Lately I have been thinking, and overthinking, and taking think-breaks, trying to figure out my purpose. What am I supposed to be doing? How do I stay motivated if I am unsure?
If you know me, you'll know I am a huge fan of meditation and EFT tapping, so much so that I am a certified EFT Practitioner. So I've been doing a ton of both modalities to try and calm my mind and find where I feel inspired.
I've been working extra hours at my daytime job, so it's been a bit of a struggle to balance work, a web development bootcamp, and life. I am learning what I am ready to let go of.
Ever since I was a little kid, I've loved taking photos. I started with posing barbies and pretending that I was a fashion photographer. I've wanted to be a part of the beauty industry for as long as I can remember. I am a licensed hair and makeup artist, I've worked in salons, done hair and makeup for photo shoots, and even ended up building my own photography business photographing weddings, portraits, and even real estate.
The 2020 pandemic hit my industry pretty hard. Weddings were paused, rescheduled, cancelled, paused, and rescheduled again and again.
Covid restrictions put a hold on going into people's homes, and then the housing market boomed, so folks wanted to sell the house as quickly as possible, and, being the workaholic I tend to be, I was working until midnight trying to get photos to my clients.
It sucked.
I started to hate my job. The job that I had always DREAMED of doing.
I was getting by, I was paying my bills, but I was MISERABLE.
I quit my corporate job to work for myself and have freedom, and I was chained to my desk, stressed the FUCK out, and and feeling like my dream had turned into a nightmare.
I scaled my photography business down to just weddings and portraits. That helped to reduce my stress levels a little bit, but I was still working late nights, weekends, and missing out on time with my family. I was missing birthdays, events, and me time. For the longest time I thought photography was my purpose and I had been so motivated to build this business, amidst feeling like I was struggling, amidst feeling like if I just hustled a little harder, wrote more gratitude lists, bought one more Facebook ad, that I would break out of the cycle of feeling lack. I just felt drained.
By the end of 2021 I was ready to quit the photography business all together. I hated what I had once only dreamed of doing.
I realized that running my own business full-time is not my forte. Creating and taking beautiful images, empowering others, and showing them their own beauty, that's what I was good at, and I realized that I needed to put limits on when and how often I do that.
Spreading myself thin, trying to please everyone, is not for me. I set photo session dates, I scaled my business down even more to only photograph portrait sessions. I am not taking any more weddings for 2023 at this point, I am focusing on the remaining weddings that I have, and booking portrait sessions with limited dates available.
December of 2021 had me in my feels, and I was truly thinking about my calling in life. That's when I kept thinking about getting into tech. Software development, app development, web development.. the possibilities are endless, and honestly, tech is only going to grow and grow. So I decided that once I wrapped my EFT certification, I would allow myself to dive into the world of tech.
It has been challenging, and fun. And frustrating as hell at some times. I thought I would be ready by June to build apps, but- girl- take it one thing at a time. I started with the basics. I am still working on perfecting HTML and CSS. I've touched a little on Python and JavaScript, but from everything I've learned thus far in my life, it really helps to build a foundation from the basics.
I've learned that it's okay to start over. Find what makes you happy, but ENJOY THE JOURNEY! Go discover new things and try. Just try. You'll get frustrated, you'll get mad, you might even regret your decision a time or two, but if you try, you'll discover if it's meant for you. If it's not, then it just might lead you to a path that sparks your joy.
I am still trying to figure out where this journey is taking me, but as I am writing this, I am realizing that it does not matter. What matters is that I enjoy the journey, and learn all I can, and take my knowledge and do what I can.
Find your joy, and through that, you will find what makes you want to take the inspired action. Find the joy and you'll find your motivation. Find your joy, and you'll find yourself.
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